the school year ended

This school year was so weird and awful and great all at the same time.

Weird -  I didn't feel any intense pressure at the end of the year like I have in the past.  No reports due.  No intense testing to finish.  (ISTEP was really late in the year) No big project.  We did have a debate between the 2 classrooms.  That was really fun.  The students learned a lot and so did I.  They were so engaged that next to last week of school reading articles and looking at graphs.  And the discussions were fantastic.  I cleaned my classroom, which didn't take long at all.  Also weird, not knowing if I was going to be asked back to teach there next year.  I signed a contract on Wednesday and school ended on Friday.

Great -  My teaching partner was awesome.  She was constantly praising me and telling me good things.  And OMG, she is the funniest person I know.  I have never laughed so hard in my life.  We didn't have to compare scores or have any crazy competitions to be better; we just taught together.  I told her that working with her had been like an extension of my therapy.  It felt like I was still in my support group a little every day and she was there to cheer me on.  I met some really nice kids.  And 6th graders are funny!  I also love teaching math.  Reading has been the focus at my school for years and it was nice to get into the math.

Awful - I left a school that I love.  Students that I love.  Parents that I care about.  My whole world was ripped apart.  14 years in that school district.  subbing, coaching, aiding, and teaching.  Gone.  I had tons of people telling me to stay and suck it up and be strong.  I also had a bunch of people telling me to get the effff out of there.  It was destroying me as a person and then my body started to break down.   Panic Attacks.  High Blood Pressure.  High enough that I could feel it in my neck.  My skin was crawling.  I still don't know if I made the right decision.   Other people made it out alive.  Why couldn't I?  I don't get to see my boys as often now.  That sucks. Really sucks.  I'm not really looking forward to the 3 hours in the car everyday either, but I guess I can do it for another 187 days.
And the worst part.  My teaching partner did not get asked back.  She is teaching at a different school next year.  I'm going to miss her.